The Fastpass

The day after we got home from Disneyland mom and I went to Sisters for a celebration of life service. I left Kurt with the kids at home.  It is never easy to celebrate the life of ones who leave far too soon.  But somehow these little beautiful lives were celebrated.  One of my cousins lost two beautiful little girls, identical twins, at 34 weeks.  No sense can ever be made from situations like these.  I have completely stopped trying.  I do still know that my God is good, my God is kind, and my God loves others more than I can ever imagine.

At the service I was amazed.  Their daddy is a pastor, and he actually spoke.  He did the whole thing.  I don't know how, only by the power of God.  He wanted to share what God had been teaching him through all of this.  I don't know if there was a dry eye there, but he made it through and he did an amazing job.  One thing he said was that these precious little girls took a short cut to heaven.  Even though we feel short-changed, they are where they have always belonged.  As soon as he said this I began to think of the fast pass.  In Disneyland, where I had spent the last five days, we liked those fast passes. It was great to get to bypass most of the line to get on the ride in less than 10 minutes.  Seeing the envy of those watching you walk right by, standing in line with loud, impatient, overtired and overstimulated children.  Other times we did not like the fast pass…those times when we did not have one and we were the ones waiting in the line.  We weren't really happy for those who had them, we easily forget that it does take some forethought and sometimes even a line to get one.  Rather than being happy for those who have one we become jealous or bitter because we have to wait.  It's not fun to wait.

I know this analogy between the two isn't perfect.  But it made sense to me.  These precious little girls got a fast pass into heaven.  How can I be upset about that?  They are enjoying life to the full.  Happy in Jesus' arms.  I don't like to wait.  Would I really want them to skip the fast pass and wait in line with the rest of us?  For selfish reasons yes, I would.  It doesn't seem fair to their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and everyone who cares that they now have to live life in line without these precious girls.  But God gave them a fast pass…so I should not question His choice, but choose instead to somehow rejoice.  So much easier said than done.  Sooner than later though, this sweet little family will be reunited… and this life will seem like an eternity past.

School instruments

I should start this by saying I love music.  I love the idea of kids learning music, practicing music, and understanding music.  Cade and Ella take piano lessons.  It can be loud, but a good loud.  They know how not to bang on the piano (I can't say the same for the other two yet…) and they can make some beautiful music.  Now…when they come home with recorders I want to run far away!  No matter how good you are, I don't think anyone can make a recorder sound good.  I'm so sorry kids, when you read this some day.  I love the fact that they will practice until they get the song right.  But even then I dread the random squeal that can come at any point in time from that piece of plastic!  The first day they played everywhere; the car, the kitchen, the bathroom, outside, garage, pretty much anywhere there was an audience to listen to them.  I was woken up at 6:00 am the next morning because that was apparently a very important time to practice.  Once they thought they would be funny and wake me up with it in MY bedroom!  They quickly learned that would not end well for them if it ever happened again.  

So when Cade brought this thing home ( I can't remember what it was called already, maybe the auto harp?), I was a little nervous to start with.  He only could borrow it for two days though, so I knew I could handle it.  I did not know that I would be serenaded everywhere.  Unlike the recorder, it was always in tune and did not squeal if touched wrong.  I thought he would stay in one place to practice because it was pretty big and a little awkward to carry, but I was wrong.  I was planting my petunias outside so first he opened the window so I could listen.  But that was not good enough so he joined me outside.  I was really looking forward to the quiet and the songs of the birds…I got Edelweiss instead.  He is a marvelous singer, so it was pretty sweet.  Even with the pauses to change chords.  I love this boy and his enjoyment of learning.  His growing brain is amazing and I will cherish all the serenading he decides to do…even if it is with a recorder!  I'm just praying one will learn the cello.

Burn piles....to love or fear?

The burn pile begins….

We all made it safely to the other side…it's a bit warmer over here!

We came back the next night to roast marshmallows!

Ella likes to burn hers.

We finally got around to burning all the branches that were left from clearing a few trees we feared may fall on our house.  I did not know how entertaining this would be.  Kurt started burning it on a Saturday morning.  It is now Thursday evening and is still going!  All day Saturday the kids were out watching and throwing more sticks on it.  Sunday after church, they went right back to it.  We had a birthday party for Ella Sunday night, it was so hard to pull them away from their new toy.  Yes, I'm a horrible mom and let them "play" with the fire.  We did go over all sorts of fire safety….they were "working"!  I was still so nervous, I don't know how many times I said things like, "Do not walk around with that torch!" Or, "Stop!  You are going to burn someone's hair!"  We made it through.  No burns, no trips to the ER.  I do had to add that they were never left unattended with the fire.  I think my husband enjoyed playing with it almost as much as the kids.  I think that Papa liked it maybe too much too…he was driving the tractor grabbing more and more things to put on it!  We all reeked of smoke for days, with baths and showers nonstop!  So many memories were made and so much time spent as a family.  I guess I may have lost a few years from the stress…but it was worth it!

So now we have more work, a shed will hopefully be going in it's place.  Maybe I will finally be able to get some chickens…and goats if I can dream of no poison oak around here!  I'm sure we will really have some good stories then!  

Easter memories

The best picture is always the silliest one.

Easter began really early this year.  Kurt and I got up early to run.  I can't wait until one of us doesn't need to stay close to the house and we can actually run together.  Even though I really dislike waking up early, I love the peacefulness of the morning.  The smells of fresh, crisp air.  The random coyote.  The moon setting as the sun rises.  Just as our glorious Savior rose!  

This year we went to service early, at 8:00am.  Yes a.m.!  It was wonderful though.  We were able to come home and get back into our pjs and hunt our resurrection eggs and make our rolls and just enjoy each other.   It was so great.  We need to remember this every year!

Growing up

Brock went to kindergarten round up today (April 6th) ...

I can't believe my baby is getting so big.  He loved kindergarten round up and can not wait to go to school.  He was very angry in the car when I told him that he didn't start school until September, it was ugly.  He yelled and kicked the seat and ended in a fit of tears.  Poor guy, he just wants to grow up like his older siblings.  I will miss having him with me all day.  Full day kinder is going to be rough, I was looking forward to getting him to myself for at least half the day….

April 28th…today was Brock's last day of BSF preschool program.  I have to admit, I did cry.  He has been in the program since birth.  So many of the women have been his teacher and have poured out God's love on him.  They have all invested in him and prayed for him so much.  He has made amazing little friends, who are probably really rowdy altogether (their poor teachers)!  He is an amazing little guy with such a big personality.  I just pray that he will grow up to love the Lord his God with all of his heart, with all of his soul, and with all of his strength.  That he would remember how God was faithful to His people and to Moses and to him.  That Brock would follow hard after Him all of his life.

Women's Retreat with church

So this is an awesome picture!  I'm kind of embarrassed to put it on here, but it was sunny and great, and I have two amazing friends to show off!

Weekends away always seem a little stressful before they begin.  I do have to plan for meals and make sure things are taken care of before I leave.  But it seems to get easier every year.  Kurt is learning to cook more and the kids are getting older, they can all make due for a few days.  I was so excited to rest, be refreshed, and renewed in my relationship with the Lord (I have been tired and weary and feeling like I am not doing enough, or like what I'm doing matters).  This year didn't seem super special to me in any way in particular.  The speakers were amazing and had beautiful stories and excellent things to share, but none hit me with "wow" that was God speaking just to me.  But God is good, and it was coming.  There was a wedding I was not super excited that was happening on Saturday night, but God assured me that all things will work out for His glory in one way or another.  There was a session on forgiveness, and yes, I need to just forgive and not hold things against anyone, no matter what they have done!  Then in reading "my verse", I heard "God is not unjust."  He is amazing.  I don't really want His justice.  I want His mercy!  Even for others whom I would like to have experience some justice….I don't.  He has given me compassion and empathy, and pity really, for these people.  Anyway….

Everyone gets a verse at retreat.  It's random, and the leadership prays over the verses, that everyone would get a verse the Lord wants to use somehow in their lives.  Mine was Hebrews 6:10.  "God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them." My initial response was, "I don't help anyone."  But then on Sunday we had some quiet time so I read in context and looked up the cross-references.  Matthew 10:42 said, "If anyone gives a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you that person will not lose their reward."  Okay.  I do "help".  The image came to my mind of every week at BSF handing each child a cup of water.  Another was Matthew 25:40, "Whatever you did for the least of these you did for me."  When I serve my kids, I'm doing it for Him.  Even if they never notice.  And the opposite is true, if I don't do it for them then I am not doing it for Him, ouch.  In Hebrews 6:12 it says not to become lazy or sluggish, which is exactly how I have been feeling.  God is so good!  His word was what I needed.  After that 30 minutes of silence, digging into His word, I felt like a new girl. I know I am right where God wants me.  It is just so easy to think that I should be doing more.  Or teaching adults, or someone who can at least make me feel like they are listening.  

I had also gone to the If:Gathering in early February.  God gave me the same words then.  "Persist.  Go on.  Keep on at the work I have given you.  I will let you know when it's time to do something different.  The kids I have entrusted to you matter.  They are a big deal, treat them like it.  Teach them my word.  Be purposeful in everything you do.  Most importantly, dig in to Me.  I matter most.  I want you to give yourself to Me over and over and over.  Every day I will help you.  Give me your burdens and rest in Me.  I will do the work."  I didn't hear Him speak out loud.  He speaks through His word, to my heart.  God is so good.

Coloring contest

I didn't know that on Saint Patrick's Day our family had traditions….until Ella decided to make a plan.  She spent a while up in her room writing a list of things to do together as a family.  We had to pin the pot of gold to the end of the rainbow.  Also had to play pin the hat on the leprechaun.  Another was a coloring contest.  These are the pictures.  Kurt and I were supposed to be contestants too, but I convinced her we needed to be judges (I had things to do, like dinner and laundry, dishes, etc.).  Next time I will think twice.  

They colored and colored.  Each one working as hard as they could.  Making their picture the very best.  The oldest ran out of ink in his black marker (as seen above).  The youngest thinks clovers are black.  The middles like to add other details (look at the adorable mushroom on Ella's).  So how in the world is a mom supposed to choose which one child is the winner?  They shuffled up the pictures so I wouldn't know who did which one.  Well, if I didn't know each of them and their styles that would have been a marvelous idea.  But a four year old is definitely not going to be able to do what a ten year old can.  I tried to make a tie, pointing out all the good things about each one.  Declaring each the winner of a different category.  That was not going to fly.  

The only thing left was to call dad inside.  He looked and picked.  How?  I don't know.  He said it was obviously either of the middle children's because they took so much more time in the detail.  I wish it could be that easy.  True, he didn't know they spent equal time…but how was it so easy?  I think about the feelings I'm going to hurt.  The arguments I will face.  Whose fits do I feel like dealing with at the moment?  Who do I not really want to upset today?  Who needs encouragement?  They each tried so hard.  But I am so thankful for my husband.  It's life, we all have to learn to lose.  I'm a huge fan of teaching kids how to lose.  I just don't like to choose who is the loser (or in this case which THREE lose)!  Next time I'm just going to color!!!