Wisdom from my amazing Grandma Roth

After beginning to write yesterday, I remembered how much I really do enjoy writing.  On my run so many ideas were pouring into my mind to write about.  I don't even know where to begin.  All of my best thoughts come when running, but they often leave as quickly as they come about an hour after the run.  I could fill books with all of my amazing thoughts while running, I could solve so many problems!  If only I could express them, and keep them in my brain long enough to get them out in some sort of organized fashion.

First off.  The title of this whole shebang.  I am not at all good at being creative under pressure.  So when starting the blog, and having to choose a domain name, a blog name, and a title for my first post I was slightly overwhelmed, to say the least.  I'm not an anxious person, but this stirs up all sorts of nerves!  It brought be back to the If:Gathering I attended a couple weeks ago.  We were asked to sum up what we learned or what God was teaching us in one word.  We were to sing a song, write the one word a rock, and take it up front.  Okay, one word.  I felt like I had been hosed with information, passions, excitement, and zeal for life.  And I'm supposed to find one word?  Talk about stress.  In finding a domain and title…I felt the same.  I'm not creative with words.  I can say it how it is, but that doesn't always sound nice.  So I was thinking Mantie Madness, like chaotic, craziness.  But that really isn't how I feel about our family(maybe sometimes).  I know I think my rambling is madness, and after all my ideas, I'm definitely certain it will sound that way too.  But memoirs.  That's memories as well as essays about a subject, I looked it up in the dictionary ;).  But then, that's too formal.  Now musings, those are thoughts.  Probably can be scattered and random, or deep and thought provoking (those are few and far between).  I have a few thoughts I'd like to write about.  The excitement in my head and the passion to do more, what God is teaching me in the moments.  I feel like every day I learn so much and I'd like to be able to look back and see the lessons and maybe learn from them again, so I don't repeat the same things over and over and over again.  Even then, I'm sure I'll still be making the same mistakes (I mean, look at the Israelites…).  So that's it.

My Grandma.  Sweet Great Grandma Roth.  She left a legacy.  She loved the Lord with everything.  She was gentle, kind, hard working, sweet, loving, amazing wife, and the best grandma ever.  She went to heaven to be with her Savior a little over a year ago.  My uncle Dave wrote her eulogy for her service.  I had gone through so many of her journals to find out what things mattered to her.  She didn't write in great detail.  She just wrote what happened on each day.  Many times she wrote about what she made for dinner.  Every week she did laundry, and wrote about it.  Just that, "I cleaned, washed and ironed."  Yes, she ironed!  Amazing woman I tell you.  And Grandpa liked a big breakfast, so she got up every morning and made it for him.  As well as a nice lunch and big dinner.  She writes about painting lessons.  Yes at 50 something she took painting lessons and interior design classes.  She also learned to golf, quilt, and do ceramics.  She had the grandkids over all the time.  She went to all the sports games, choir events, and any program grandkids, or great-grandkids were involved in.  She wrote about all the perms she got, her gardening, who wins what games, and all of the church activities she attended.  I love leafing through the journals and reading what is there.  I am so glad to be able to show them to my kids too.

The only thing that frustrates me when reading her journals is that I have so many more questions.  Some days she has a little frowny face beside the date.  I want to know what happened, why the sadness.  Other days she just says it wasn't a good day.  Nothing else.  Why?  I respect that too.  Maybe her bad day had something to do with another person and she didn't even want to write anything negative about anyone.  Not once in her whole journal is there anything negative about anyone.  She started a journal about the time I was born.  So for 30 years, not a negative mention (not even about Grandpa!).  I wish she had journaled when she had young kids.  I've heard stories about her temper.  I would love to know what it was like and how she trained up her children in righteousness.  How she became one of the most peaceful and joyful women I have ever met.

My favorite part of her journals though was reading about the sermons she listened to and books she had read. I loved finding little quotes she kept on tattered paper that fall out of the journals.  She loved the Lord, and she loved learning more all the way until the end.  I wanted to include some of the excerpts that I thought were meaningful to me that I sent to Dave for use in the eulogy.  If it's here my kids will find it.  Left to my computer alone…it will get lost.  Here they are:

Many places all over her journals she would write: "Praise God for all of His blessings", and "Praise God from whom all blessings flow."

Sat. Jan. 2, 1982:  Father God, I thank you at the beginning of a new year that you give peace, power, purpose and the privilege of prayer.  What greater gifts could be ours to enable us to live victoriously for you in 1982!

Wed. May 25, 1983:  “For my hand made all these things.  Thus all these things came into being,” declares the Lord.  But to this one I will look, to Him who is humble and contrite of Spirit, and who trembles at my Word.”  Isaiah 66.2

Thurs.  May 26, 1983:  “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many.”  Mark 10:43.  Dear Lord, help me to be willing to serve, to meet the needs of these dear ones about me and not to take them for granted.

In the back cover she had this quote: One of the evidences of the Spirit’s filling is that exuberance of life that shows itself in rejoicing and in continual thankfulness to God.

She also had a quote from George Mueller cut out and in the journal:

If sickness overtakes us, it is for our blessing and profit, there is no other end for which God sends it to His children but to do them good at their latter end.  What are we to do?  Tell Jesus, “Lord Jesus, Thou seest my pain, my feebleness, my weakness, be Thou my helper, my Physician.  Wilt Thou help and succor me?  Show me what Thou will have me to do, help me habitually to roll my burden on Thee.”  What will be the result?  We shall see how pitiful the Lord is.  We may have to ask again and again, we wait, but we must ask Him to give submission meantime.

Some people think life is a burden, so do not wish to live.  I have no sympathy with this, for I find life no burden.  If we roll our burden on the Lord, and walk with God, and enter into what the blessed Jesus is ready to do for us; if we speak to Him, and put confidence in Him, in the end we shall find every trial, without a single exception, has been for blessing, and thank Him for all His dealings with us.

July 8, 1986:  Help us today to keep your covenant and to remember your precepts to do them.  In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Friday, Oct. 3, 1986:  “The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you:  He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you!  Do not fear or be dismayed!”  Deut. 31:8

Thurs.  Oct. 9, 1986:  “The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent.”

Christmas Eve 1986:  Bob gave me Chanel #5 cologne, bath powder and cream.  What a special jewel he is!

In the back of this journal she had some more quotes/goals, I’m not sure if they are all her words or if she got them from somewhere?  But she has them written out.

            Real faith rests in the fact that God will allow in my life only what is good from His eternal perspective.  You can’t separate Romans 8:17-18 from Romans 8:28.

            Jeremiah 32:17.  “Ah. Lord God!  Behold Thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and by thy outstretched arm!  Nothing is too difficult for thee.” Jeremiah 32:37, Isaiah 41:10. 

Jan. 2, 1987 Wilson-Never a moment God is not with you, ready to use your circumstances.  Practice the presence of God—a miracle drug—since God is Spirit He can give you undivided care.  He never slumbers or sleeps.  We don’t always feel it, but its there.  God’s presence does not depend on our feelings.  Feelings come and go, but not God.  Faith is Fact, not feelings.  We don’t need to be overwhelmed by disaster because God is with us.  See each person as bearing God to you.  My response to people is my response to God.  He is with us whether we are righteous or unrighteous.  Whether we feel like it or not.  His promise is true.  PTL!

            To begin the new year 1987:

            1.  Jesus must be Lord.

            2.  The Word of God must be authoritative.

            3.  Forsake all sin-deal with it.

            4.  Put the cross at the center of your heart.

            5.  Be willing to hurt-God’s good people do suffer.

            6.  Be courageous!

Pay all debts.

Thank those you need to.

I love my grandma and miss her dearly.  But I am so happy she is with my Grandpa and whole again in heaven.  I am thankful for my memories of her and the way she prayed so fervently for me all through my life.  I want to leave a legacy like that for my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  Living one day at a time, making each moment count.  Embracing my place, be fully engaged, being obedient to the Lord in all things great and small, and living for His glory, no matter what.

Coming soon…the best birthday present ever!  And it involves this:

About My Dog…by Ella

 This is Coal he is a great dog, at least thats what I think. But my dad doesn't like him because he eats our plants, or tears them up in to itty bitty pieces,or he drags them away so we can't find them. So mom would go get another plant so dad wouldn't notice and get really mad. But then finally dad got used to him, but then he started to follow dad out of the drive way that is when dad got mad because from know on dad has to tie him up. Which he gets very frusturated because the dog doesn't obey him very well.  Also his hair grows really fast so mom will have to shave it.

A start….

So I have never, I mean never ever, wanted to start a blog.  I always see people start them to remember and post about life and not wanting to forget things.  Then they post two things and then no more (and I am left hanging).  Well, I like to call mine a journal.  Its not pretty, its filled with chicken scratch.  I would never let anyone flip through it.  It's mine.  It's private.  I like it that way.  I can look back and see what God has done and remember what prayers God has answered.  I can navigate it just fine…or so I think.  I don't do a lot of looking back, and I should.  Because that is where God gets the glory and my lack of decent memory shows!  However, with four crazy kids and an amazing husband, I don't have a lot of time to write in my journal these days.  The thought occurred to me last night that I can type much quicker than I write….hey maybe that is why people start blogs?  Genius.

I guess I will start one now. 

Not having a clue where to start without feeling silly or scripted, I just went to get some breakfast at 10:30 and to peel a banana and limit the cookie intake of some children.  I praise the Lord for spring break (but it is only day one).  In getting my food I figure I should just introduce where we all are today.  So in looking back the kids can see where and how this started and where they were.  I'm not the greatest with words, and it's not going to flow.  Especially when I have a lot all on my mind and it is so jumbled.  I might just vomit words all over the page and no one will know what order they should go in!

Kurt.  Oh Kurt.  The best husband in the world.  He spoils me rotten (which I'm used to anyway being an only child!).  I don't deserve him.  And I'm definitely not as nice to him as I should be.  He works hard.  I mean hard.  He works in law enforcement.  At the moment he supervises people who have committed some sort of domestic violence crime.  He's been doing this job for over 10 years, and I have hardly ever heard him complain about his work.  I don't know how he does it.  He sees the same people make the same mistakes day after day.  People filled with hopelessness looking for hope in love, drugs, or anything else.  They don't want God, the only hope giver.  But he goes on and on.  Recently he began praying for them, all of them.  There are so many, like 70 to 90 at times, i think?  Only 5 a week.  But who else prays for them?  I love my husband and what the Lord does in and through him.  He also is a farmer.  So anytime the weather is somewhat decent and its not dark, he works on the farm.  As the kids get older they spend more time out there.  His patience will grow and he will teach them more.  And hopefully we keep all 8 hands, feet, arms, and legs!  I love him and wouldn't trade him for anything…he's a keeper! 

Cade.  The first.  The go getter.  The little man who always wants to try new things (as long as it's not food related).  He is 10.  He is active but loves to sit down with a good book and read, read.  He played football this year, tackle football.  It was a little rough.  He loved the social side of it.  But the tackling was not really his thing.  He didn't want to get hurt, and he didn't want to hurt anyone-it's very different at home.  He says next year he wants to try basketball.  ( so far we've only let the kids pick one thing a year, once they are in third grade, to try to eliminate a little of the crazy)  He also competed on the Oregon Battle of the Books team for his school.  He attends Awanas and BSF.  He has a crazy good memory for detail, if he's paying attention.  He loves the Lord and has such a tender heart.  Just a few weeks ago a lady at church noticed that he goes and prays with people during service when they raise their hands.  Every week, he goes.  She happened to be Pastor Scott's secretary.  She told him and he wrote Cade a personal letter.  It was so sweet, he said he was proud of him.  As Cade read the letter he got all teary.  He's not perfect, by a long shot!  He pesters his siblings to no end.   Argues with me all the time.  Has a short temper.  And many more.  But these last couple weeks I've figured out, or remembered again, that he is not my battlefield and I can't lecture it all into him.  So I'm praying.  And trusting God, who loves him more, will work it all out in and through him.

Ella Bella Boo.  My sweet girl.  My fashionista.  My sassy pants.  This girl is determined.  She never gives up.  If her mind is set on something, she is going to do it.  A wonderful trait, as long as it's geared in the right direction (in agreement with me!).  She is very competitive, but is a great sport.  She wins board games all the time.  I mean all the time.  She beats me.  And I'm not letting her!  She is even a good sport when I win and rub it in her face….maybe I'm not as good of a sport as I think ;).  This year she played basketball for the YMCA.  She had a great time and learned a ton.  She definitely wants to play again.  She is an excellent student.  Loves to read, and write.  She puts all kinds of effort into her work, which is very different from the oldest who just wants to get it done to move on to the next thing.  She is artsy and creative.  She loves to write stories and sweet notes to all of us.  She is a little teacher.  Always trying to get the boys to play along and be her students.  But she's not afraid to jump into their crazy lego battles.  So flexible and easy to love.  We all do Awanas and BSF.  Ella is the only one who is really self motivated.  She practices her verses every night before she goes to sleep.  I love that she falls asleep memorizing God's word.  She is becoming and amazing little woman! 

Davis.  My sweet third.  He is just beginning to come out of his shell.  He is figuring out who he is and where he fits in the family.  Lately he has been the silly boy.  He can make us laugh.  He loves to hide and jump out of who knows where, scares me half to death.  I guess I deserve it though, my mother would say so.  He is a mix of Cade and Ella.  He however loves to eat.  He will try anything, and eat a lot of it.  Skinniest of them all though.  He loves to build legos and play mine craft.  He loves to try new things.  He has that creative side too.  He is an amazing little sketch artist.  He adds details that I would never think of.  He has amazing hand writing, probably the best of all the kids.  He's a great speller and a hard worker at school.  He is also a hard worker at home too.  He loves to farm.  He loves to go with dad and ride on the tractors and combines.  He can't wait for summer.  He is our flapper. I just see him standing on the edge of the field last year waiting for the combine as it's coming his way.  Flapping his arms away…we fear one of these days he will fly away.  He is excited about everything.  Lover of life.  He too loves the Lord and has a tender sweet heart.  He is very stubborn though also, and has a hard time admitting fault (but don't we all).  He just memorized all of Psalm 23!  I'm so proud of him, he worked very hard.

The Brock Monster.  Funny.  Sweet.  Loud.  He is the most character I've ever seen in a little body.  Just yesterday he was sitting on the couch with Davis looking at a book.  There was a voice I've never heard.  It was Peanut, Brock's little puppy.  I've never heard Peanut's voice, but I shouldn't be surprised that he has one.  Brock talks in all kinds of voices.  Makes all kinds of hilarious sounds.  He makes us laugh.  He doesn't have to try to make us laugh, he just does.  Ella said once when he was having a sleep over at my mom's, "It's so quiet with Brock gone.  He's the one who makes our family laugh."  So true.  He is a pretty compliant kid, to some degree.  He knows what he wants and he wants it.  He won't let his siblings push him around.  He'll just tackle the boys, or punch them if he's mad….we are working on this!  He is at the age where everything is new.  He loves learning.  He asks such awesome questions.  He sings hymns from BSF all the time.  He's learning new songs at church and teaching them to me.  He's always asking questions about God.  He loves God and I pray that he always will.  People love him.  He has been pretty outgoing.  He goes up to anyone and talks to him.  But as he is getting older, I'm seeing less of that.  He can be a little shy if he wants to.  I like it, but I'm sad so see the carefree side go as he grows.

Me.  I don't even know what to say about me.  I'm always doing something for someone else. My identity at the moment is wrapped up in all of the above.  The only two things I feel are mine and mine alone are my God, and running.  Both of which can be interrupted by all five of the above.  I'm convicted daily of shortcomings.  How can such sweet little people bring out the absolute ugly in me?  I have never grown so much in my life.  And I need to grow so much more.  Maybe that's another reason I want to start writing more.  Not just in my journal, but now my "electronic journal"…hahaha.  Oh boy, Kurt would laugh at me!  But oh well.  My goal is to not write for anyone else, just me.  And make it so my kids can look back and read. Someday they may like it, or not.  

Right now I don't feel like I'm involved in a lot of things and I face the pressure of doing more.  But I want to keep it simple and make my family my first priority.  When we first started having kids and I felt I needed to step out of youth ministry, it was hard.  I felt like I was doing nothing.  But God kept telling me over and over that I was doing something.  My family, the children he has entrusted to me, are the most important ministry He could ever give me.  So I try to keep that in my mind.  The world constantly tells me I should be doing more.  Even I tell me I should be doing more, reaching more people, using my gifts, doing something awesome for the Lord.  I don't even do what I do well.  So why should I do more?  I trust the Lord, I trust where He has me is for my best and for the best of our family.  So here is what I do now: teach the 1st-3rd graders at church, teach children at BSF, help out at the school in the kids classrooms, and am in a few prayer groups.  I fold laundry, scrub toilets, do dishes, mop floors (not often enough), vacuum, clean windows, wipe noses and other places (less and less), pull weeds, plant flowers, start fires, and on and on.  I play games, I spank bottoms (not nearly as often as I should), I laugh, I learn.  After writing all this about my family I am so thankful for them.  Maybe that's why I love journaling.  It makes me see things from a different perspective.  I've always journaled, just not in this way.  So we'll see how it goes.  Maybe I'll write one more time and decide this isn't for me…..we shall see….

For now I'm striving to just live out my faith every day.  A new song I heard that is my prayer right now is: One word at a Time by Sanctus Real.  I pray that every word I say will bring Him glory, even in the crazy.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqSOhZChdDk.